FRIENDSHIP
“I be in the kitchen cookin’ pies with my baby, yeah
And I can ride with my babyShe my trap queen
Yeah, you hear my boy”
There comes along a song that emotionally binds you to an experience and to a group of people, and one of those songs for me was Fetty Waps’ Trap Queen. Judge if you will but I’m staying firm with this statement.
I recently heard Trap Queen come on over here in Vietnam at my job and immediately stopped what I was doing and had a huge smile on my face as it stirred up so many emotions and cherished memories of friendship. I needed to stop to savor the moment because it literally transported me. I began to ask my Vietnamese coworker what she thought the word ‘trap queen’ meant (she loves American music and knows the song, too) but she didn’t know, just like me and my girlfriends, who had our guesses but had to confirm it officially on urban dictionary. Try explaining that in another language….
I’ve been fast to make many interesting connections here but friendship is a slow process for me. Everyone seems friendly and I am friendly, but what is friendliness if it doesn’t compel any deeper committed or vulnerable action towards friendship by two people? I began to reflect on how many foreigners’ lives are so transient and insular here while locals’ lives are built and rooted in their existing communities. A large part for this lack of integration is economic, cultural and linguistic, I would presume. As for me, the challenge to find friends is at a very unique time in my life where I myself am so in between these two worlds and multiple identities.
Fortunately, I found a few very special friends here so far, ones I see so much potential for growing our friendship. They are kind, compassionate, creative, inquisitive, eager to explore the world and know how to enjoy life. Just yesterday, coincidentally on Thanksgiving, I had a Japanese feast with some new friends from Japan and Brazil with four different languages spoken at the table Portuguese, Japanese, Vietnamese, and English. It was a new level of “multiculturalism” for me. I find myself connecting to people in new ways but the connections are just as worthwhile.
Friendship Part 2 – My Trap Queens in the U.S.
In Honor of Thanksgiving, I’m posting a 2014 Friendsgiving excerpt I wrote last year during the holidays that honors my old friends as I build new friendships here.
Written November 23, 2014
For the first time this year, after many years of friendship with these amazing women, we have decided to commemorate and forge our growing bond and friendship in the first annual Friendsgiving. It was discussed that there might be an entree plate of Turkducken but it only made an electronic appearance through emails:
The conversations we had were meaningful and insightful. They spoke to the individuals we are, were and to become. Through them , I’m able to see the world in such vibrant and techni-colored lenses. We talked about our own perceptions of beauty, of womanhood, as women of varying shades of color (from Nigeria, Peru, Bangladesh, and Vietnam), while keeping in perspective that in our safe space, we are able to let go of all of those markers and labels and examine one another unguarded. We were all souls as one; beautiful ones. At the table – strength, vulnerability, resilience, struggle, hope, love and all the embodiment of Woman were represented. They were all my sisters that day and continue to be everyday. It wasn’t there where the recognition of it came to light but it was etched in our hearts that we were bound to one another, irrevocably.
It was truly magical and an experience I will always remember. I saw almost a rite of passage occur into a sisterhood, into a greater depth of humanity and love as we discovered new dimensions of one another. We were witnessing and sharing growth that we had never explored before.
We talked about trivial things as well, like Beyonce ( pls don’t come after me beyhive members ). I wonder if any female social gathering can happen without mention of Beyonce? I wish there were other female icons of our generation that we could speak to -what about thought leaders, poets, artists, activists? Must we embody those virtues we seek in celebrities and become the idols we so desperately search for in others? It must not be fair to hold that expectation of such celebrities like Beyonce when we ourselves could simply be our own inspiration and role models. These women dining with me today are mine.
I got home and found the urge to finish one of my books, Americanah, written by another inspirational woman. I went to bed with lingering words from the book as well as the words and experiences shared with some of the most important people in my life. I lived and felt alive. Most importantly, I loved and was loved.
dragontell 